Skateaway

• Posted by Adam Warner
• on November 3rd, 2009

With only three month’s to go, our US Speedskating team was in peril. Just when you thought our “No Bonuses Left Behind” financial rescue had claimed another victim, a hero stepped to the fore.

On Monday’s “The Colbert Report,” Stephen Colbert announced his show has become the primary sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team. The team’s largest annual cash sponsor, DSB Bank NV, left the team in the lurch after it declared bankruptcy in October.

The name “Colbert Nation” — the catchall for the legion of ardent fans of the satirical Comedy Central program — will be emblazoned on the team’s uniforms.

“On their enormous, billboard thighs, it will say, ‘Colbert Nation,”‘ Colbert said in an interview before Monday evening’s taping. “Be looking for that logo as it comes around the final turn. It will be easy to see because it will be in first place.”

Speedskating has produced some of the most iconic figures in U.S. Olympic history, from Eric Heiden to Dan Jansen and Bonnie Blair. In all, Americans have claimed 75 medals — 32 of them gold — on the traditional long track oval and the wild-and-wooly short track rink. In Vancouver, Shani Davis, Chad Hedrick and short track star Apolo Anton Ohno will all be vying for medals.

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