The Last Word

• Posted by Adam Warner
• on November 21st, 2009

I forgot the old adage, there’s no final say on 4th and 2 until Bill Simmons chimes in. And he’s not a fan of the decision.

I spent the past four weeks traveling to promote my book. During that time, I stayed in nine different hotel rooms. All of them had wireless. In three of the rooms, I noticed a strange phenomenon — my connection would be fast during the day, but at night, it became so spotty that I could barely load box scores or watch even short highlight clips. On Wednesday night in Portland, the wireless was so terrible that it took me 15 minutes to watch a four-minute clip from that night’s “The Ruins.” I finally gave up. The following morning, the connection miraculously worked again and I was able to watch the clip.

That’s when I came up with “The Porn Jammer” theory: It’s my belief that certain hotels scramble their wireless at night to discourage guests from surfing for porn. Why? So they will order adult entertainment from the hotel’s pay-per-view system. I know … it’s dastardly. But if you’re the hotel, why give the milk away for free when you can make people pay for the cow? More importantly, would you really put it past them? This is the same business that built motion detectors into mini-bars; they’re going to give up the in-room porn business without a fight? It’s evil, it’s desperate, it’s despicable and brilliant. The Porn Jammer is my Great Call of the Week.

OK, the actual post on that link is his opinion on 4th and 2 (violently opposed).

But his theory here sounds great. Except it’s probably as simple as everyone’s out during the day and logged in at night for whatever, and the hotel’s not exactly going to splurge for bandwidth to accomodate 2 busy hours per day. Or not, maybe it is a Porn Conspiracy.

Speaking of Simmons, it looks like he’ll have more time to test his above theory out as ESPN has revoked most of his tweeting priveledges thanks (apparently) to disses of (ESPN-owned) WEEI in Boston. Like this one.

Hey WEEI: You were wrong, I did a Boston interview today. With your competition. Rather give them ratings over deceitful scumbags like you.

It’s actually a kind of interesting issue. To what extent can media personalities show actual personality online? It’s not exactly compeling stuff if all they do is shill for their next appearance somewhere. ESPN has so many arms everywhere, not sure how exactly a sports columnist avoids offending one of them somewhere. Maybe lose the language a bit and move on.

 

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