Skateaway

by Adam Warner, Tuesday, Nov. 03 comments

With only three month's to go, our US Speedskating team was in peril. Just when you thought our "No Bonuses Left Behind" financial rescue had claimed another victim, a hero stepped to the fore.

On Monday's "The Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert announced his show has become the primary sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team. The team's largest annual cash sponsor, DSB Bank NV, left the team in the lurch after it declared bankruptcy in October.

The name "Colbert Nation" -- the catchall for the legion of ardent fans of the satirical Comedy Central program -- will be emblazoned on the team's uniforms.

"On their enormous, billboard thighs, it will say, 'Colbert Nation,"' Colbert said in an interview before Monday evening's taping. "Be looking for that logo as it comes around the final turn. It will be easy to see because it will be in first place."

Isn't Ohno like 40 by now? I'd swear he was at Calgary in '88.
But I digress. I can't believe I didn't think of this, Colbert Nation isn't even forking over a dime, they're soliciting contributions. There's no fixed amounts here, it's just whatever they can raise. It's brilliant.
Hey wait, how about women's snowboarding? Do they have a sponsor? Any chance it's a bank that Timmy will let go out of business? Will do some research on the subject, this could be our shot.


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